The Date

I couldn't think of what to write, and I don't want to do my homework, so I have decided to tell you a story. This is just one of my favorite date stories Alexander tells. It takes place back when he was in high school....
So once upon a time, Alexander was going for a jog at a park in West Jordan (one of the few jogs he actually went on). While there he ran into an old friend, we'll call her Ursula. They got talking and he found out that she was having a big party at her house that night and that he was now invited. So he dresses up in his very best T-shirt and blue jeans and heads off to said party. While there he notices a pretty girl sitting by herself at a picnic table, we'll call her Pippi Longstocking. So being the gentleman that he is, he goes over and begins to strike up a conversation with Miss Longstocking, and from what he can tell she is turning out to be pretty stellar gal, so he ends the evening by asking her on a date, and to his utter excitement, she agrees. As he's leaving, he gets stopped at the door by Ursula. "Thank you for coming Alex! And thank you so much for spending time with Pippi, it was so nice of you," she says. "Of course, she seems like a cool girl," he replied.
The week continues on and Alexander has decided to get a group together to go bowling for his date with Pippi. As he is inviting friends to join in the group date, he notices a common reaction when he tells them who his date is; "That is so nice of you." "What a thoughtful thing for you to do." "Are you sure you want to go bowling?" (strange right?) So Alex is beginning to become a little suspicious, why is everyone acting so weird when he tells them who his date is?....
The weekend finally arrives, and the time has come for Alexander to pick up his date. As he arrives at her house, her mother Mrs. Longstocking is already waiting for him on the front porch. As soon as he walks up the steps she gives him a BIG hug. "Thank you so much for taking our daughter out. She doesn't get to go on many dates." Alex's suspicion begins to grow even more. As he enters the house, he notices Pippi's father sitting on the couch. "Alex!" He says while giving him a big pat on the back. "You are the finest young  man this town has to offer! Thank you for being willing to spend the evening with our daughter! I'll go get her right now." And up the stairs he goes. A few minutes later Alex see's her father coming down the stairs with something in his arms. As he steps into the light, he notices that it is the one and only Pippi that he is carrying. He also notices that Pippi has no legs, just two little stubs a few inches past her knees. How he hid his shock he didn't know. He never realized when they were talking at the party that she had no legs! And they were supposed to go bowling tonight! Bowling! How is she supposed to bowl?! He quickly made a change of plans in his head and decided to take her to the drive in movies. No harm in that right? So her father takes her out to his truck and straps her in. As Alex gets in the car, Pippi exclaims, "I am so excited for our date tonight! I knew you were a cool guy the minute I started talking to you!"
They arrive at the drive in and back into a parking spot so they can sit on the bed of the truck. He pulls the tailgate down and carries her over to sit on the edge so her stumps can dangle off the side. As the movie starts, Alexander notices that Pippi is starting to move closer to him, and before he knows it, she is cuddling up next to him and one of her stumps is on his thigh. As good as a kid that Alex was, he was beginning to get uncomfortable. So with a quick movement, he adjusts his sitting position so he's not so close to Pippi. But as he does that, he makes Pippi lose her balance, and down she goes off the truck and onto the ground. BAM! Terrified he jumps off the tailgate and picks her up. Luckily she only suffered from a few scrapes and bruises, and needless to say they didn't stay the rest of the movie. He takes her home, carries her to the front porch, hands her off to her dad, and drives away. The End.

Ok Ok you got me, this isn't a real life story. It is one of Alex's favorite stories to tell though. And to be honest, I fell for it the first time I heard it. If you ever get the chance, you should hear it in person. It's much funnier and he can tell it better that I can. I hope that this brought a smile to your face. If it didn't, then you have no sense of humor, because I think it's pretty funny. Or maybe my sense of humor is messed up... either way, there's more where THAT came from! May the force be with you, live long and prosper, and other such sayings.