Monday, September 15, 2014

The Hogwarts Express

Story time! I am just on the role of date stories so here's another one. This is another one of Alex's favorite stories to tell, he heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend blah blah blah. So, here we go.

So once upon a time this gentleman, we shall call him Ron, asked this lady, Hermione, on a date. And for this date they were going to take a ride on the Hogwarts Express (The Heber Creeper). So the day of the date comes and Ron s on his way to get Hermione, but on his way he notices some rumbly-tumblies happening in his tummy. Paying little attention to his stomach, he walks to her front door and picks her up. He then walks her to his car, opens the door, lets her in, and closes it. So he now realizes that it is time to release some gas from his bowels or else he'll be stuck with stomach pains the rest of the date. So he decides to walk around the back of the car so that he has more time to relieve himself of the noxious fumes. But as he does so, he realizes, to his utter horror, that a little something something is coming out too. Not knowing what to do he gets in the car, rolls down the window (in attempt to remove the smell), and starts driving. His mind is spinning right now trying to decide what to do. He can't go home and change because he lives too far away, he is in no way staying in his soiled trousers for the rest of the evening, so he decides that the best thing to do is to go to the store and but a new pair of pants. So he asks Hermione if it'll be alright if they can make a quick stop at the nearest clothing store so he can "buy a present for his sister who's birthday he forgot is tomorrow," and of course she agrees. So the run into the nearest store and pick out a sweater for his sister, but while Hermione isn't looking, Ron grabs a new pair of pants and underwear. Ron walks up to the register and the cashier starts to ring him up, but Ron quickly whispers, "I only want the pants and the underwear, not the sweater." And the cashier grudgingly agrees. He looks around to make sure Hermione didn't hear, pays for the clothes, and walks out of the store. As they're walking out they realize that they're about to miss their train, so he decides that he'll just change when they get there. So they finally arrive, meet up with their group, and off they go on the Hogwarts Express. About five minutes into the ride, Ron excuses himself to the bathroom. He quickly closes the door and begins to take his soiled clothes off. Not knowing what to do with them he decides to throw them out the window (why he decided to do this I don't know). He then opens the bag and realizes that the cashier misheard him. Instead of his new pants and undies, it is just the sweater. By now he's totally freaking out. He has no pants or underwear. All he has is this sweater. So he puts the sweater on his legs and ties the arms around his waist to hold it up. Now instead of telling his date what happened, he waits for the next stop and ditches her and then calls his friend for a ride home leaving Hermione to find her own way home.

So there you go. Another date story for the books. I'm pretty sure this is my last date story unless I can come up with another one. So what I am going to write next time will be a surprise for me as much as it is for you. May the force be with you, live long and prosper, and other such sayings.

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